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…and I really can’t say why. it’s just been a roller coaster.
some days i am my normal self. some days not so much. but lately i have done a lot better than usual. i really have to thank Cuky Choquette-Harvey for the major steps in my recovery from this profound grief. Yes, my Buddhist faith has been a major source of strength. And, no doubt, I have been nothing short of DESPERATE for ANYTHING that might ease the pain or lessen the grief that has become a part of me. But nothing has come close to the relief that has been afforded me through the comfort of Lomi Lomi and through Cuky.
I know. It seems a bit strange: aligning chakras, hot stones, spiritual cleansing and what may seem like voodoo crazy new-age weirdness. But I have to say: it has been the most healing, profound experience of my life. And I have only had two sessions with Cuky. Cuky is not only a Lomi healer; she is an empath. Every visit with her is like a visit with not only my true spirit and self, but a visit with my mother and with my son. She knows things and unlocks things deep inside me that no one but me would know or realize.
So I have been a bit reticent about posting about it here, but that is the truth. I practice Nichiren Buddhism. I believe that my mother and my son are well taken care of in a spiritual realm that I can only dream of. And somehow, some way…this connects me with the absolute that are the loved ones that I so dearly miss. Noah dances in my peripheral vision, my sweet mother whispers in my ear as I go about my daily life. And I realize, yet have always known, their voices whispering in my ear. What they would say, do or think. Those of you who came to visit Noah in the hospital with me know what I mean. A mother knows what her child would say, do or think in any given situation. Just because his body is no longer something we can sense doesn’t mean that intuition is lost.
My cord and my ties to him transcend earthy, tangible metaphors. I live for him; through him. He, and all of those who have transcended their earthly bodies, do not cease to exist. Not really. They continue with us. Through us. And even if Noah was 6 and my mother wasn’t event 60, they continue with us and through us. Not just in our memories and hearts, but for real. Their love; their connection with us is real. Never doubt that. They are always at our sides: loving, laughing, growing with us. It is this that sustains me and keeps me alive in this incarnation at this time. It is this truth – not belief but actual truth and proof – that brings a real comfort to me.
XOXO
What ever helps you heal! I’m not well-educated in Buddiasm, but I no difficulty buying that a mother and child relationship transcends what I understand. I’m glad that you seem to be finding some moments of peace and healing. I continue to keep you close to my heart.
Thank you, Bobbie. It’s difficult to accept that the past is gone and we can only move forward…but I’m coming to terms with it. As long as I have the knowledge that he, and all of my loved ones who have passed, is always still with me…I may just make it through.
Congratulations! Welcome to the continuum!
Love you,
Dad
Love you heaps, daddy!
Have you checked out Unity on the Plaza? They have all sorts of stuff for Buddhists. My sister-in-law works there. It’s not crazy, it’s not weird, and you shouldn’t feel like you have to explain it or rationalize it. Just be it. I’m so thankful that you’ve found something real to comfort you. I loved when you said, “Noah dances in my peripheral vision, my sweet mother whispers in my ear…” Beautiful, simply beautiful. Namaste.
Thank you Amber! A friend of mine goes to the Buddhist services at unity and loves it. Maybe ill tag along with her sometime and check it out.
Thank you for being with me through this!