you don’t know:

^^How bad it hurts to see the posts on social media showing how your children / child has grown. Because mine hasn’t and it makes me wonder about the whole “what if” thing. 

^^I notice when I see you in a public place trying to tell your friend  / significant other that *I* am the person you’ve been telling them about…but you’re trying not to show it as we say our hellos and exchange pleasantries. Lordy, just be honest. I’ll talk about it honestly and openly – just please don’t pretend that I don’t know that you’re talking about me.   

^^losing a child and/or experiencing a great loss is NOT contagious. Just because you are close with me, doesn’t make it more likely that you would go through what I have gone through. Please don’t be afraid to be close to me or be my friend. 

^^ I have my intensely sad moments, to be sure. But that doesn’t mean I’m incapable of love, joy and / or pleasure in life. I accept my past. I accept that it will always be a part of me, for good or for bad. 

^^I get it. I totally get why you would *choose* to NOT tell your child about their friend who happened to have died. Why put them through that? I would do the same thing. Please don’t pretend for “my sake.” If you’ve told your child another story, just tell me. I can go with it. Pretending only makes things worse. 

And finally, I don’t know what I would say to me either. What do you say to someone who has witnessed the death of their own child? I still don’t know. There is still a lot of shock that remains and sometimes I’m still not entirely sure of where I am when it comes to the line between crazy and sane. But I do know this: I can use all the friends and love I can get. Maybe you’ll never “get it” and maybe it’s something you can’t even fathom – neither could I before it actually happened. 

But if you can give me a hug and try – I can still be a good friend.